Sorry baby, too late, we're leaving.
Wait - you've left, I'm frozen here.
Drowning alone in this pool of tears
Blood is dripping honey,
Can't you see?
I can't breathe, I'm bloodless,
Now, i'm empty.
I beg you, can you please,
return what was once me?
Phantom faces are gushing by,
I'm standing still, can't move. I'm frozen.
Feeling so weak, no will to try,
Please sir, give me back the heart you've stolen
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Thursday, April 29, 2004
i woke up this morning laughing! waaaaiiitt!!... what morning?! shooots! it's quarter past noon. so much for wanting today to be a research day. noo..seriously, i was laughing to myself after i looked at the time. ALMOST noon (not yet). candy called in the midst of my giggling fit asking where i am. hah! didnt sound one bit surprised i was still at home - JUST woke up from my slumber. [should i feel insulted?] hah.. she said that she'll be meeting the boyz for dinner. should i go?
chattin with matt now. the first person to say hello to mE this morning! hrmm..think i'm just going to clean up my room and go to the city & meet up with the gang. or maybe i might go to uni after all. OR OR maybe i'll just stay home! hrmm.. not yet planned. we shall see how things go for today ...
Love-Less, Kinz
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Wednesday, 28th April 2004
a lil poem i composed in uni earlier today.. goes to show how statistics can be ever so inspirational. haha....
a bleeding heart beats no more
wake up to question what i'm living for
look around to find no you
wonder how im gona make it thru
a facade, this smile, an enchanting laugh,
a mask to hide this empty soul
no more strength to live this bluff,
just doing everything as i'm told
bidding time thru this painful death
haunted by memoirs of u & i
I look around, there's nothing left
a heart-sickened soul living a lie
so where are you now when these tears are fallin,
do u really care if you hear me calling?
wondering how we became strangers
when just yesterday we were lovers
a blur of faces passing through
all of them strangers, again, no you
drowned in muffled silent tears
paint a smile to hide my fears
a serendipity from a forsaken past
a memory burning in my dreams
dont wanna be here, i'm running fast
but we're catching up on me it seems
sinking deeper in this pool of blood
please save me, dont let me drown
the pain so blinding, its beginning to flood
please forgive me, i've let u down.
LoVE-less, KiN
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Wednesday, 28th April 2004
"Pain has an element of blank. It cannot recollect when it began, or if there were a day when it was not. It has no future but itself. Its infinite realms contain its past -enlightened to perceive new periods of pain"
I'm finally settled at "home" - in the truest sense of it. All those weeks "floating" around has taken its toll on me. Never knew how valuable a "home" is until u dont have one (dont miss the water till it runs dry??). lame-O.
[*Ooooh! first up, gotta send shout outs of appreciations to the boyZ for helping me out with the moving. couldnt have done it without you guys - wouldnt be sitting in this sooo be-yOOoooti-fOOooLLy decorated room [by eherm.. yours truly mE!]. so... thank you raz, sham, umar, farid and my lovely abang eh-win. of course my girlz too - candy a.ka. 'siow-ling' & jeaNniE baBy! hope the dinners last weekend sufficed!!! and u guys know, the door to this house is ALWAYS open for y'all!]*
it's 2mins to 2am in the morning and i'm still up. another familar regime of mine - to tire myself out just so i can fall straight to sleep. life's been an emotional rollercoaster. i'm still in daze [somEtimes] - how things can be so drastically different this semester as to last semester. strange how life changes on you in a blink - merciless to the sentimentals [mE]. but such is life yeah? *some people come into our lives & quickly go. some stay for awhile & leaves footprints on our hearts - and we're never the same again*
today was an -ok- day. woke up feeling abit in the -middle- - not sooo happy, not soooo sad. mind u, i still can cry at the snap of the fingers. been listening to britney's "everytime" alot now. hah! its on repeat mode now even as i'm typing these words. had class for the whole day. *yawn* been missing alot of group meetings. damn. so, today - the one and only time i went, i actually brought something to contribute to the discussion. used to hate people who dont contribute in group work [bloody opportunists*].. hah. dont want to be one. it was all good. i think i sounded like i know what was going on (??). haha...
stats class was boring as usual. mannn... so much work to do! and yet, im still bored (??). hah. ahh... the irony. had lunch at nusantara. our new fav indo HALAL restaurant in calufield. bananna choc popiah!! YUMmy* heh.. had lunch there with ily and candy. eating my usual ... when low and behold, i spotted a familar figure - marc paul! who would have thought i'd meet him there. hrmm.. actually, 'there' is the most likeliest place to meet. must admit, i've been procastinating to meet him. as expected, alot of stutters and uncomfy silences. his car looks coooooL!! black and sleeeeek.... faaar OUT!!! we arranged to meet on friday for coffee - must think of an excuse why i cant make it. hrmmmm (??) ...
marlies was easy on us today. she knows my name!! its confirmed. i'm screwed. she hates candy the most though. so..... hrmm.. dont know if her knowing my name is sucha big thing. nonetheless, i KNOW, we KNOW, she hates us.... sighz* YET another reason why i MUST get HD for bio/dev psych. hopefully, this reason serves enough motivation for me to ACTUALLY achieve it! haha...
he's going to have an operation soon. i hope he doesnt procastinate the op. i just cant help feeling worried and considering every what ifs possible to be considered! "what if?!!??" cant help my paranoid nature setting in. i wish i could be there by him. but then again, my rationale sets in - what would i do even if i were there? i wonder if perhaps, he's doing us a favour by not coming back here - gives us space and helps with the moving on process perhaps? i miss him still. everyday, its a different day. emotional rollercoaster? in the truest sense of the terms. yesterday, i was deliriously happy and today i'm absurdly upset [over nothing at all??]. it's crazy i tell yer..
anywayz, thats life for u. been putting the blame of every mishaps that's happened, on LIFE. such is life. yep... that's the way life is meant to be. Life- ohhh.. Life.
aiiitezzz... i gotta head to slumber land now. research day tmr! gdnight!!
LoVE-Less - KiN
