21 MORE DAYZ TO SINGAPORE PEEPZ!

- in LIFE U CAN NEVER GET WHAT U WANT -

i didnt use to believe in that. or rather, i used to NOT want to believe in that. i was naive. care free. ignorant. idealistic and foolish really - when all evidences are out there to dignify that belief. but its true - IN LIFE U CAN NEVER GET WHAT U WANT.

contrary to this belief, i used to live life standing by the belief that everything will turn out alright as long as i have faith. 4 yrs ago i see envy in ppl's eyes. envy that i can believe so strongly in such an idealistic notion. gates are closed. i cant afford to let anyone in no more. nopes. dont trust myself. i only ended up hurting the ppl i love. my problems and conflicts are innate. and regardless where and how i run away, they live in me and haunt me. my life's just messed up right now.

cant wait cant wait!... i dont know why why oh why im soooo looking forward to singapore. i guess i'm just sick of everything here. yeah, life here is so cool & all - freedom, going out till late, no curfews, slumber parties, partying, going out - yeah+ yeah+ yeah+ - same old same old... thing is, i think i've realised how meaningless all these are. how long can i live my life this way right? i think of the future and well... its just oh-so-scary! i have so many things to achieve. my dreams, my sibs' dreams. my parents' dreams. its not that i cant wait to get started with the "future". rather, its coz i think life's too short and if i dont start now, i wont ever completely finish my aspirations. ppl used to tell me that i need to 'live life' to explore. i know im juz 20 [in mths anywayz] but i REALLY dont feel up to exploring. hahaha... next year, i will be entering career life for real. no playing. no more part time jobs. nopes. its real life with real life ppl. cynical? yeah. used to remind myself to never turn cynical. to see rainbows and sunshines and magic in everything that life offers. its getteing harder but heck.. i'm gona try be positive anywayz.

+ today? just hmm. hah. i woke up puking [like literally]. showered, blogged, then watch princess diaries and fell aslp in the midst of it. haha.. think im getting old! falling aslp in the midst of movies. anywayz, i was awaken by wak's call. got ready and .. hrmm.. she bought me a jacket!!! yeah yeah!! a winter REAL jacket. not those 12 bucks one i always buy that dont keep me warm. hahahahahaha. wak blanja-ed us to my fav thai food at sawasdee - soooo nice! yum* after lunch, kal, abang and i walked round MYERS coz abang wanted to shop for a jckt. ling came after that and both of us went crazy taking pics of ourselves on our phones. hahahahahahaha... fun! i have a feeling we're gona be best friends forever. along with liu. candy IS ling. and jeanie IS liu. haha.. nicks we came up with.

jeanie's sick. get well soon lil girl! im tired. we walked home from beaconsfield stn. deja vu. i used to be so scared of walking in the dark. tmr is kal'z last day. we gona go city and just hang out more. ok. i wanna shower. blog later.