FULL OF S.M.I.L.E.S

and all is rainbows and sunshines. ok. maybe butterflies and daisies too

so much for my resolution to stay off the comp. stay off the net and study.study.study to make up for last night's slack-er-fest. 5 movies. whoah. now if only i had much AS MUCH perseverance with my school work. i cannot do this now. can't slack. the fate of everyone lies in my hands. my group mates. they're so smart! like really dillgent. intelligent. smart smart. daayyymn. CANNOT AFFORD TO SLACK- imma write that down in big bold letters and paste it up in front of my study table. ....

ok. done.

i know i blog heaps. like i have tonnes to say. but hey. its either this or reading my readings. which is what i REALLY SHOULD be doing. but what the hey right? i shalt just not look at the sign i've just pasted in front of me. dont look up! dont look up! haha.. tis' what i call "selective visuals". ok. deeeeep breathes*.. weeEE - so here's my day.

in the morning; i made a huge mistake by asking the kids while putting them to bed last night, to wake me up this morning. and they did. really they did. which is awesome. REALLY. coz they've learnt the art of keeping to their promises at such young ages. haha... but, at bloody 6am!!!??? jasy was jumping up and down on my bed and then she.. [omg. its too traumatising. to. say. but.i. shall] PULLED MY BLANKY OFF! it was freezing! so that kinda woke me up for abit.. i breathed and reminded myself she's only 6 and i have more dignity and intergrity and am mature ENOUGH. asked her to take her readers, come under the blanky with me and read to me. i was meant to supervise her doing her readers last night but we ended up watching "ella enchanted" after all. hah. i make a good "mum" aye? too lenient on the kids? anyhoooowzzz, jasy read to me alright. but i was somewhere between sleep and dream realm. remember correcting one or two of her words. it was a nice story. been awhile since anyone lulled me to sleep with a story.. yummmmyyy*hehehehehe=)

so i stick out my chin. and grin and say:

tomorrow. tomorrow. i LOVE YOU tomorrow...
woke up and there was silence. kids already went to school. reluctantly woke up and in my PJ's wadded across to the other side of the house. abang was ready. he didnt wake me up! frowns* anyways, i made him wait for me. i got ready the quickest in a long time. hehehe. yeah. ive become quite the makcik. hehehe. so i had breaky. which is coffee. talked abit with wak imah about stuff. then, we set off to sth yarra where we met ling, sham and nahim. helped them shop for new furnitures for their new place. i hopped into the van and from there on, it was just a blathering session for ling and i. sham became the invisible driver. oh.poor.u. my two seconds scandal. HAHAHA ... went by my place to pick up their mattresses, went to their new place to drop it off, went northland.K-mart to buy garbage bins (of which the boys spent 15mins deciding which oneS!!!), went to their old place and helped pack, went to his new place... unpack. bla bla bla*

ok. so, sham dropped me off at melby ctrl and it was alone-time from then on. im getting into the routine now. what i hate most about being abroad is the initial seperation with the family. it never ever gets old. 4 yrs. 7 trips back and fro of the same old. at home in singapore its so noisy. such kecohness. the house is NEVER quiet. the tv on. kal's "angry" music or ma goss-ing on the phone. or me.. really. sometimes, just ME is enough. HAHA. so. then, i come back here and suddenly, im alone. its quiet and ME being noisy just isnt the same. but then i get accustomed to it and suddenly, im glad for these times of quiet. im in my own realm. live by my own rules. at my own time and my own thoughts, evolved into my own words. just me. crap. i think i've spoilt yet another discman. ps* theory is proven right - everything he's given me, i've wrecked em. yikes*

The sun dont shine forever.

but as long as its here.

then we might as well shine together

oh! news: if all goes well and i pass all my electives, (insyaAllah) i may be able to attend the grad ceremony for next april!!!! i can wear that robe & the hat!!!! my dream has come true!! well, insyaAllah, will anyways. part of me's all reluctant to leave the education system .. (altho, i believe one is a student for life, learning new experiences every moment of his/her life). whilst the other part of me eagerly anticipate career world. oh.the.controversy.im.cursed.with. sigh*

there's a strength in me that i seem to have forgotten
now i realise today. im starting to dream again.

again. is a matter of when
i guess we lose our way now and then..

r a i n b o w s

i dreamt of him last night!!!! oh! him! him! him! him! my heart skipped a beat! no. actually, i stopped breathing altogether. weeEEE* shhh. i know ive sorta went on and on about "love-not-being-a-feasible-option" bla bla bla... but he's just a possibility. might even not be. i dont really care. coz u cant lose someone u never had. so no big loss. really. i havent even met him! well, i sorta had. i shldnt do this to myself anymore. hold on..... ok. ive star-jumped it all out =) kinnie's high. he's JUST possibility.but that dont mean he wasnt just oh.so.adorable in that dream! in the dream anyways. and the sister said hi and we were all friends. but i was cooking rendang? at home. in singapore. and it was...... i was in my kurung. kinnie's really reaaalllly high now despite michelle branch belting out "goodbye to you"; which so happens to be her break up song for both her break ups. kinnie's REALLLLY-really high now. i remained nonchalant. hahahahahahahhaha. im luffing to myself. oh. and britney's everytime's on now.

oh-i-should- REALLY-change-songs!

"cinderalla said to snow white. how did love get so off-coursed. all i wanted was a white knight. good heart fast horse. ride me off into the sunrise, baby im forever yourssss"

i believe in the sand beneath my toes

have a listen to this song: "close to you" by utado hikaro & shiina ringo. an improvised version of the carpenter's "close to you". it's an amazzzzziiiiing soooong! =)

why do birds. suddenly appear. everytime. u are near. just like me. they long to be. close to you. why do stars. fall down from the skies. everytime u walk by. just like me. they long to be. close to you. on the day that you were born. the angels got together and decided to create a dream come true. so they sprinkle moon dust in your hair. and golden star lights in your eyes. so true. that is why all the girls in town. follow you. all around. just me. they long to be. close to you.

im L O V E 's celi-bait

ive given up on love and yet i hope for love? hahah. complicated aye? (yeahh. so whats not for kin.H. right?) haha. here's my theory:

love & relationship is a "feel-good-i-need-company" phenomenon for our age. at this stage, nothing's set yet. as students, with a minimum maturity level, everything
and anything can be subjected to changes. make countless promises and one lil thing can cut through everything like a knife kniving thru an open wound. call me cynical but i rrrrreaaally reaallydoubt LOVE even exists for our age nor will rships last. what do we know? aside from failing one or two subjects, failed relationships, alone time we misunderstand as 'loneliness', we are virgins in this thing called life! i see my parents and their troubles. the catastrophes that they've overcome over the years. now... that's LOVE. so. my point? - study. make my worth in the world. live life. and one day, then i have a stable means of income, am at peace with myself, i shall open my heart again. and see life and love in a whole new set of perspectives. see LOVE for what it truly means. after all, i have a whole lifetime to love someone. why chase something not meant to be urs. i realise thats what ive been doing. chasing love when really, its meant to find you. besides, what's the hurry? right? hehehe.. =)

sooooooo...if all goes as planned. i gotta be a celibate for a while now. it has to work. i have big aspirations yet achieved and if he is the one, he has huge aspirations to achieve too. so its alright i dont know him yet. or he dont know me either. and when the fateful moment comes, i shall feel the butterflies flutter and flowers bloom. the sun's gona shine and i'd just have to descend down to earth on rainbows to live happily ever after with him! gosh. i plan too much. but still..... WEEeEEEEEEeeeEeE* [kin shrieking*] =) he shalt not be mentioned no more. he* can be anyone at all! winkz* i'll meet him. u know why? coz life's a long journey. and each of us have our own story. if we meet more than once in our story.. and our stories intertwines, we're meant to be together.

forever is sucha short word for a long thing like life.

im in love with a possibility! and i've never been at ease with anything ever before. .i love everyone! hugSs and mUaCKZz*

"all that u see is me. all that i truly believe is that i was born to try. born to love. be understanding and believe in life. but u gotta make choices. be wrong or right. sometimes u gotta sacrifice the things u like. but iw was born to try. all that u see is me. and all that i truly believe is that i was born to try..."

ain, D and i are talking about kids' names. its not everyday. hehehehe.. ain wanna name her daughter after meeee!! so shweeet* i've planned to name my daughter "Hani Suffia" and my son "Amri Hakim". i wonder if "Hani" has a meaning. its derived from my beloved parents' names! more of ma's. ma's name is Hasniati, pa's Hamzah. both start with "H". ma's pet name is 'ani'. hence... H+ani = hani! plus... i wont have to make up a pet name for her like darl or sweetie or yang.. just call her "hani".. like HONEY! amri is a name, ling and i have agreed to name our sons. cept, hers would be "emery". plus, if u think about it. HAMzah. AMri. hAM, see the connection? hahaha.. right-eO.. gdnight peepz!! kinz talkin gibberish now. bleurgh*

oh and smile can? =)

ps: i know this is silly. it's 2:35am but im worrying about my research methods research project. so imma do my reading now. and i was itching to go clubbing. hahaha.. must be abg's influence. tsk tsk tsk. sinfOOl hehehe..i always panic at night. when ppl sleep. and stone in the day when ppl panic, or in normal ppl's dictionary: "study". pete murray's SO BEAUTIFUL is sooo beautiful!!