subject: adieu!
time: 11:36pm
music: she will be loved - maroon 5
mood: envy?

because its the only choice i have in this
its me against my other self
i choose to die or i choose to live
without you..

today has to be documented. i had 3 people, THREE people advising me against urmm. yeah. my messed-up beliefs. i seriously wonder when i'd changed. what happened to that love-chick who used to annoy the hell out of single-love-hating indivs with her mushy poetry n' stooppiified-idealistic notions of the four-lettered-word. fairy tale n bullshits. like. yeah. its like we've swapped places.

if i met me-then now, i'd smack her face n' kill her the thousand deaths i felt just in this yr itself.

on a happier note though.. i'll tell u a story?

see, in pony tails n' about 13 years ago, doned in those grey shuqun primary pinafoes (??) we engaged in 'police-n-thief', as 7 yr olds, we promised each other, we'd always be friends, n' shared peanut-butter-jelly sandwiches for ea recess. then... my nomadic life happened, as it very often does, n' we lost ea other.

but tmr. linda; possibly my longest-in-contact-friend in the history of my 20 yrs of life {{{sorry dee n' D, u both been booted out of the "longest friend category"}}}, her closest buds n' my lil bro are hijacking KL. taking the coach from lavender n' staying at the concorde. near KLCC. weeeEEeE* =)

the extended family's joining us on the sunday; when i'd be moving from concorde hotel to urm... another -long-named-walking-distance-also-near-KLCC hotel to join the crazy-enon-gang. yeay. shld be fun. i havent been part of a family holly for too long a time; it was getting to a pt of quite saddening. wait. have i ever at all, tho? nuh-uh. i think not. it sucks hard tt neither liz. dee. cherrie. or lings cant come along. {{oh! lings back from msia! hurrah!}} t'wld have been doubly fun. we cld rule the rollercoasters n' like shop till we like drop. but next time yesh?

our love-shadow weighs a ton

i think i'm more excited about the "extended" family hollies. weird. most ppl my age would be ecstatic like siow at being free to vacation with just friends. maybe cos i have been away for far too long. my entire essential-growing-up life feels to have been a vacation just with friends. i misssss my family still. did u know tt? u guys who's spent ur pre-adult life so far living with ur parents - ur lucky like mad. *giggles* already the cousies are planning to tie the "anak dara"-mums on 360-degrees rollercoasters. yep. shld be fun. meeting up with darl-lynne too! too bad raz's gone back to melby. n' umar's gg selangor? n' adik's in sabah? n' like lings.. just came back from her own family trip fm malacca. oh! tt bitch had nandos! like hrmph. NOT fair! i wannnnntttt!!!!! i hope KL has nandos. =/

ooh! ooh! i saw like urm a pretty .. rainbow earlier this evening., on the way home fm cwp after spent the noon with mumsey n' nyai, where tapered-juvenile-cannot-make-the-cut-mats wished me "selamat hari raya". like excuse me. go f* urself maybe?!.

i've yet to pack. mama's napping dwnstairs faithfully/loyally/lovingly/devotedly waiting for my papa to come home from work. sweet. if i cannot find anything else to blame, i'd blame my messed up notions on love on my parents' PERFECT marriage n' this really really really high standard-romeo-juliet-worth love to find. im not gona contd babling my messed up preconceptions. im so .... MEsSed up?

so i'll remember
the occasional song
1am trips for ice cream
getting you down to the beach at nite
even though you hated it

ma's come upstairs. i gotta pack. what shall i bring. urmm.....
im supposing this to be my last entry till next weds at least. so. this is it guys. i love u.
u love me? i miss this bloggin biz already... have a gd life gang =)

n' one day you'll remember me too
just the way i wasnt