time: 12:34pm
music: everlasting love - Nat King Cole
mood: optimistuck!
sometimes i half expect a tap on my shoulder while i am looking out so i can turn around to find no one behind me. maybe everything has already happened n' this life is a memory. the more we hide, the more we reveal. they all came tumbling down on me; the written sacrilege of my innocent past, that i had, a while back, conveniently abandon from common sight. 00, 01, 02, .. 2004, feels to have happened 10 years ago to someone else. my past is a memory cache i am torn between wanting for it to remain intact or, disappear altogether by some miraculous bout of amnesia that singles out experiences i don't need to recall to maintain my own sanity.
"its ok, there are better things to come along"
positive sayings seem to work or make the situation any better. silence on our part doesn't make the air any lighter either. ultimately, u n' i know no words can change the hands of fate and the only thing you can do, is be a shoulder to cry on.. even if its not easy.
i make me laugh. not because its pathetic. or ironic. or melancholic-ally depressing. this negativity that settles albeit too comfortably between the spaces of my words and sentences and paragraphs, between one full stop and the start of the next sentence, it lies in between the spaces of these letters - permanently anchored tentacles wrapped around every over-thought... thought. Its inescapability makes me laugh. Doesn't it make you want to laugh, too? ha-ha.
**
on a lighter, less cynical, less suicidal, less serious, less critical opinion of life...
day out with dee yesterday was good.
oh OH!! oh! good news. AWESOME ACTUALLY! ok. erm..actually, i shan't disclose it here. YET. its not definite. but im oh so very VERRyyy excited about it all. my life suddenly holds commitment that permeates (more) purpose; for myself n' mankind. well.. maybe.
so whoots* the CBD area is a funky-fun-tastic playground to fuse on in mornings. dee-bestie n' i had brunch (i had coffee) at citylink n' oogled at angmohs in crips business suits n' tight butts. hmm.. err... ermm?? yes. i would like to say we participated in something more productive in the noon maybe. but.. .aside from our fluctuation from *tooexpensiveforjoblessppltoaffordat shops to the outdoor bazaar at bugis. tt was basically it. {{{p/s: i am intrigued by men in ties n' suits. does tt make me a materialistic bi-atch?}}}
trip to NUS was taxing afterwards. but t'was fun nonetheless. it's massive (like 20 times bigger than the monash caulfield campus), sterile, n' jam-packed w' intellectuals. im impressed. met some of dee's euber cool friends n' missed school all over again. i was reminded of tt flight of stairs before STA lounge n' the whirl of wind i travel in thru campus, be done with sch so i can hang w' friends in the city. i dont mean to be blindly prejudiced but i like my caulfield better. i like my monash vewy much n' suddenly miss it with verocity tt led me to msg-ing my much-missed cousin in oz, n' spewing non-stop the whole evening about the wonderments of kin's once upon an-aussielife. she misses it much.
both my feet are frickin sanctified by blisters.
no thank you to my new pair of shoes. die shoes! die! =/
