time: 4:46pm
mood: pensive.
music: love, me - colin raye
q u e s t i o n .
how does a girl who falls... no-no.. .. jumps, into a rabbit hole with all her haste into a void of self-inflicted strife, come out the other end completely unscathed ? how does she, who plummets into chaos come out unchanged?
the more i think about it, the clearer i see. this warped deception of those naive innocent days of the past. the realisation - it hits me, burns memories n' scalds the countless hearts as wispy humid heat whizzes through life and the fog lifts. then suddenly, i am confronted with, *gasp* LIFE! everything is an equation, so it feels - calculated moves to gain an effect. desired results achieved by control. nothing ever falls into place because of fate and nothing ever really happens because of destiny. and though i may never understand it, this is true.
there comes a point in life when, suddenly everything freezes. stagnant. standstill. and as mightily as you push, and you push harder for just that one breathe. just one tiny flicker of breathe that cld perhaps re-ignite your passion for life all over again, you end up right where you started. with the wall smack right up against your face, always and always taunting you to push harder. only just almost there. and "almost", we all know, is where nothing's as fun, nothing's as exciting. nothing exists in "almost" that cld set your heart to flutter, as it once did oh-so-vicariously. so, you find yourself wondering what your purpose/s is/are in life; however much longer it'll be. wondering if, you'd ever be good enough for yourself ?
i am an avid believer that we write our own stories. make our own choices and map our fairy tales. and each time we think we know the end, life hits us and suddenly, we just don't. day in, day out, life as a medium serves as a painful reminder of the things you thought would last forever. ironically, those ones are usually the first to go.
perhaps, luck exists, somewhere between the world of planning, the world of chance, and in the peace that comes from knowing that you just cannot know it all.
life is funny in that way.
once you look at it with faith, you might just end up right where you belong.
so, how does a girl who jumps, into a rabbit hole with all her haste into a void of self-inflicted strife, come out the other end completely unscathed ? how does she, come out from chaos, unchanged?
the answer: "she doesnt.. ..."
