subject: the six coloured rainbow.
time: 3:06pm
music: i have nothing - whitney houston
mood: floaty.

i stood in the middle of the tarmac earlier. just to feel the sunlight burn my skin; just so i can feel alive. i did. yes. i did and it made me decide that i want to be the rhythm of a melody, to be in the beat of a drum, the electric of a guitar and the pitch in a voice. i'm done with breathing - i want to gasp, to fight for my right to live. i want to be done with the mundane and live. i'm done with waking up every morning resigned to a fate i settled for when i didn't know better. i know better now but where do i go? what's the first lesson i should sign up for? i'll settle for a crash course in blackmail and backstabbers and betrayal. it seems to be the attraction of the highlife now and i'm ready to join them. i'm finally ready to join them.

my absence from singapore the past four years has its tendency of gaping a loophole, so that i feel misplaced and omitted when conversing with peers. no longer though. no longer. like, last night was like totally awesome fun jibberishing about like makeup and like men, and boys and toys and work and erm.. washing bathrooms. ruzi, sabrina and natalia had to push me onwards, so i wont make 5mins pitstops to read synopsis of bks with nice bkcovers as we walked through borders on our way to the ladies. i've been finding solace in words.
---

"Have I told you about the tension of opposites?", he says

The tension of opposites?

"Life is a series of pulls back and forth. You want to do one thing, but you are bound to something else. Something hurts you, yet you know it shouldn't. You take certain things for granted, even when you know you should never take anything for granted"

"A tension of opposites, like a pull on a rubber band. And most of us live somewhere in the middle."

Sounds like a wrestling match, I say.

"A wrestling match." He laughs. "Yes, you could describe life that way"

So which side wins, I ask?

"Which side wins?"

He smiled at me, the crinkled eyes, the crooked teeth.

"Love wins. Love always wins."

[*an excerpt from "Tuesdays with Morrie". food for thought - just figured we need to reconsider life in an optimistic light as such, when things get on the downlow. i have a six coloured heart rainbow hanging by me in my lil space; an emblem of every piece of love and happiness and bliss i shld be feeling. i'm an '8' now. =) and lookin fwd to a "21st" night! happy bday cher! i hope we open a practice together one day - just as we said we would when we were 13. this wk is funfilled with socialite events. friendsre mushrooming everywhere and i suddenly feel loved. heh =)]