subject: how?
time: 1:21pm
music: smile like you mean it - the killers
mood: flushed.
don't touch me. i'm a glass doll. and you will break me. stay away from my porcelain walls. your tainted hands will only stain me. dont hold me. im broken shards. my shattered tears will cut you deep. don't embrace me. i'm a glass doll. and you will break me. don't leave me now. i'm lost in my shell. already fading away. and you held me. and you embraced me and you hurt me and you left me with this lullaby;
"..twinkle twinkle
little pain
i see u've come
to play again
lodged here in my soul so tight
turning brightness into night
twinkle twinkle
tearing ache
please let me sleep
to never wake...
now i lay me down to sleep
my life in tatters at my feet.
if i should wake before i die
i pray these tattered wings can fly.
twinkle twinkle
empathic strain
i never want to feel again
trapped here in this world so cold
where self is wrong
and Us is gold.
twinkle twinkle
falling tear..
how i wonder why i'm here.. "
----
hello l o ve l i e s !
well, fortunately, i have been documenting the best and worst of the past weeks in my not-so-little trusty green diary. yep! sparing all yous of melodramatic snippets of my euber-busy life. been a crazy spectrum of late; like, 2 packed wks of socialite obligations, 2 consecutive weeks of interviews with 400-over boys. all of whom introverted, unwilling to share, and deeply disturbed. on the other hand, i believe their stories sufficiently bring me reeling back to the real world, each time with a lil bit more understanding and a smack realisation, that my life ain't bad at all. actually, it has all been pretty gd. IN FACT, i can't remember a time in the last 20plus yrs of life, that i never got my way. well..... .. oh-kay, cept for that one time when i REALLY really wanted that pollypocket. but that was ancient history. hee-hee =/p
one of the many highlights i'd fail to mention was ming. here. yes. back. - the very same big brother bear/ hulk/ illegal vcd hawker/ the-one-who-drove-me-crazy with philosophies cos i'm the only one who really bothers to combat his theories - came back for hollies, and after about a week of procastination, clashes of scheduels, and what-nots, we finally managed to fit in a much needed coffee session 4 days before his flight bk dwnunda. i believe it is pretty evident, how lost i was when i first came back here almost 1/2 a yr back (has it already been! gawwwd!). got me thinking actually.. last year at this time... hmmm... so different la.
well, anyways, amidst my life-displacement moments the past few... this meet up struck me a realisation that, some people and things really will never change. t'was gd reminiscing uni days, talking "talks" and building our usual utopian theories over expensive coffee, just like the gd ol days aye matey!? =) gd fun i say. gd fun! ha-ha. funny; i think i am more excited about my trip dwnunder more than my 21st!
speaking of which - 3 people. lissie, su and zif! happy 21st birthday y'alls! really can't wait for the friday overnight slumber part-ay. it'ld be awesome. yes. i know it will. and we can ALL finally meet and catch up!
otherwise, life has been all gd. work's got me just the way i like it. all busy so that i am always always completely pooped by the end of the day - which usually is 11-ish. leaving me no space for dyslexic dreams. 5:30am the next morn and i'm all up and go. i reckon it's all time management. which i kinda suck at. first step to recovery: realisation. i definitely feel a huge need for a big huge titanus BREAK! increased dosage of alotalot of think-random-thots-moments, aimless walking n' alotalot of attaining amusement from blowing cold air moments, alotalot of just favourite peoples and jibberish talks. starbux. sofa. collins. ppl watch. love. hugs. spring. october.
i'm just waiting for october.
u know what? i suddenly miss the pssstttt*, the shhrrrrshhh* and the khrhhh* of my coffee machine. esp those exam mornings when the skies seem cloudier than normal, the air - heavy, and i get myself reading the same sentence 15 times over. i give up usually, leaving fate to take up its place in all normalcy.why am i reminiscing ? i suppose i just miss "home".
ok. it's 1:24pm and i am once again schedueled for another session of interviews and more mass testing.
oh boy(s)...
toodleyous! =)
