time: 11:33pm
music: awful - hole
mood: annoyed.
onslaught of distraught thoughts that i'd rather not thought of. but think i thought not thoughts of distraught onslaughts. instead, an incision of intuition in a vision of vivid derision. livid from the collision and living with the decisions. dreaming in plastic, elastic tactics, seemingly magic; magically dreaming madness, maddening plastic attraction. i am constantly telling you i am a knot. don't start a fight. instead, find a lighter and start a fire. i've wet the pages in an attempt forget the rages; whilst scribbling lyrical lunacy lingers on loose leaf. leaving. leaves linger loosely on lyrical lunacy. see, the truth is excuses use the truth to excuse the proof. the excuse is truth uses excuses prove the proof. evident evidence eventually elevates to the state. or residence sequentially by debate or relevance. reflective complexity has got the best of me. my liquid smile. paint my liquid smile through your rainstained eyes. and i. my finger tip ink stain, will stand out like pink paint on wet pages. words bring the strange in me, it brings. so eventually we shall place our problems back onto dusty shelves. i will find solace in the midst of great fears. more often than not, tears turn to poetry, and poetry to tears.
we spin and i fall forever. no. not that dream you spoke of once. or twice. or always ? i am not. so really, it is the immediate effect of each day past that has left its mark on me. concurrent. recurrent. it is my failure to become who i must be that has kept me running from you. it is the silence that kills me with each breathe i dont take, as i sewed up my lips shut all those times ago. and each mis-step paints the same old brand new mis-diagnosis. all those nights ago. when i promised i will never let myself be human enough to be angry. so that i can always let me be wrong. i turn me inside out to learn to smile to not cry. don't know. so now i dare you. i dare you to know me. to close your eyes yet see me. to free your mind and hold me. to make me smile and assure me. i dare you to miss me. to run astray and need me. to know my name and tease me. to hold my hand and convince me. i dare you to not see me. to not see the label above me. to not see the skin around me. to hold me in the light to release me. i dare you. i dare you love me.
or else,
dream another dream. lets ?
---
i am home, showered and idle at eight, for the first time in over a week! on my way home, i concocted great plans to spring my rm, cooking, diary-ing, writing, watching a vcd, etcetra. but of course, i didnt even get past no. 2 on my things-to-do list. i have no time. i have no time. i have no time. sigh* so. on to the springing bit; i found one of his random cd amongst my treasures today. thought i give it a spin. courtney love's band, "hole" - celebrity skin is rockin my world tonight. love it. love it!
otherwise, time off from hello world has been gd. i needed this silence. been hearing (listening) too much from too many. what i need to hear (listen to) is ONLY all things positive; thankiewverymuch. fav horfun. ma cooked. new comp totally rox. part of me is still surreal with this whole self-support dealio. we're living in a matrix. this is a flipping matrix that we're living in. i am looking forward to the pink linings in the morning clouds. i am anticipating more let downs. and people bringing me down. my eyes are open under closed eye lids. i choke on empathy at each discrepancy. i really don't mean to incessantly preach. but i could say that im guilty for allowing myself to be so caught up with stress and taking it out on innocents. i hope you realise this too. a tinge of positivity never did hurt anyone and sometimes i forget that myself. try some angst-free happy-go-lucky attitude towards life ey ? im up for it. i have a massive wkend ahead. and my belurrrvved papa coming home. and i miss me. and i miss you. and i miss .. .. everyone lah.
well, hmm..
there it goes - that static silence where absolutely nothing is twitching in my head.
oh-kayyys. that's all from me tonight folks.
gdnight lurveyoulies. have pink lining clouds day tomorrow!
