subject: my obsession with emotions makes me a collector of love and pain
time: 10:37am
music: so beautiful - pete murray
mood: vacillating

"there's nothing to begin with

but to end nothing is

to begin something"

- Mitch Albom

the only time we waste is the time we spend thinking we are alone. u just need to look around to know you're not. i live life in hopes of learning something valuable everyday. something less corrosive than before - more and more real-time philosophy, broadened horizons and learned mind.

i have never really considered or so much as perused about the concept of "indescribable"; as in a moment, an individual or an emotion. it just seem impossible for a tangible to be indescribable. i suppose, in my abyss of linguistic powers, i just expected words to be powerful enough to convey anything and everything possible; in re-inventing a moment and painting colours back into the grains. however, on my way home last night, while vacillating between slumber and composed pretense, i found it all to be otherwise. i realised, for example, that if you know someone so well, love them with every fibre of your being, it just is damn near impossible to describe them. you cant just thrust 5 adjectives on them and classify them or label them like you do a package. you just can't! 'warm-caring-loving-rational-wise'; my mama is so much more.

so, after a whole 48 minutes (mrt ride), i have concluded that, that is exactly how it should always be: if you love something/ someone enough, you should not be able to sum it/ her/ him up, or narrow it/ her/ him down or confine it/ her/ him to limits. you just can't.

laterwards, the 13 minutes walk below stars ended with me concluding that my main problem is: i dont have a problem to begin with. in fact, as far as it goes, this dictation of my own emotions only sees the realisation of a better form of happiness, a notch above my own. that is, obviously, someone else's. i have just been made that way and that's just the way it is always going to be.