subject: onward regression
time: 12:28pm
music: just for a moment - aqualung
mood: receptive

i painted a dream, painted a dream
onto a pair of lips that owned a certain
dead boy's face last night.
happily hopelessly lost, was this morphing secret
i lost myself in another time.
so intensely hopelessly desperate, was this scribbling
i got everything reduced to humble numbers
so that i am
i'm no longer who i used to be.

who was i, then!
remember: i only felt so prettily then.
time-dragging,
spine-chewing,
mind-numbing,
were these revolutions
spiting me back into dyslexic oblivion.
im looking, looking, looking.
oh, don't you feel me now?
my pale lips pressing quickly?
oh god, where have you gone,
where has your life been buried?
shall i bring you back from the grave! ?

the last time you tried
your tears came out all cotton-like
and every scream was muffled white
every look blinded by the garish sun
but this time you died your tears distilled
and they ignited truths
and every scream was halo bright
and every look was guided by
stars we'd consigned in love
a constellation of countless-year-old calendar.
because time is my only way back to you,
because time is my open wound back to you
there! your silent figure passing me (again)!

so, this is how i remember you,
it isn't until the room stands still,
until the door closes,
that i line my ear towards the warmth of my own heart.
and, i dare say .......... ... ......