subject: same different
time: 1:11pm
music: dear diary - M2M
mood: girly


i need direction, exact like a wartime missile to remedy these questions that are like arrows, fast and sharp. but archery is a sport not for pointlessness but accuracy. hence, i must be the contestant with an apple on her head, only that the arrow misses its target and pierces my mind instead. i should have known. precision was never my forte, i work best in clumsiness and fragmentation. i need structure like Economics, and write of a glory as rich as the Greek gods. i need family tree of tales i can further embellish with mythos and make into bedtime stories for sleepy lovers. i need a purpose as complete as a mission statement.

but just perhaps i should be content that it is enough to be here, now. that i do not need anything else but my present. what's to come will, what's to stay will not. let these metaphors and allusions make no sense to strangers and confuse these time bombs that are ticking in my head. for i have always been most comfortable just hiding behind ambiguities - where it is safe from evil eyes and even stranger potions.

just maybe, real unpolished beauty lies in the not-knowing.