avril is emo

It has hit me suddenly how I have evolved into some kind of an indefinable equation carved into the surface of my head. Different avenues in time which had taken away so much ambivalence, that I have only learned to fill it with sorrow. I always thought this process of gaining and losing and the transitions between were all that I needed to see, to formulate, the counter-evidence for a plausible theory. But I could never mean enough. So it is to no big surprise that you have now become a mere shadow of an apparition; albeit, still so integral to me. So transient but constant, returning and disappearing, then returning, again and again.

These walls are sinking in, and I'm telling you this, knowing that you now cease to be a part of these cognitions. I'm inside of this box alone and it's shrinking and it's getting darker, and there ain't gona be a next time. We are walking along some indefinable place inside my head, kicking sand at the shoreline with every opportunity we get. You are not but I am still present. Just a second ago, I was listening to the ticking that rang through my chest, the heart that belonged to you, in a debt of infinite space and foreign codes. I close my eyes to think of thoughts swimming inside a flood of your thousand year rain. This nonexistent you and I, this fragment of you and I, tipping careless on the brink, worn thin and almost gone. This is how I keep you with me, and away from me. We are just just walking through every empty corridor alone inside my head. Soul-searching for a soul.