cut back losses

i want to be a martyr, to no longer be a cause of grief or anguish or heartbreak, but instead to only be the embodiment of, and nothing more. the fading of tomorrows and the transient of todays hanging with an incomprehensible weight, i can do nothing more but let the losses come my way (because then i can lie and tell myself how it will all that i have lost meant nothing to me, and stand by it, a tear at the heartstrings, parachute gravity, gravity freefall, freefall repetition, ad infinitum).

and the length of light
drowns,
step by step by step.