i don't know about you

the way i see it is, if you really want something, no matter what it is, even the most ludicrous of things...if you try hard enough, you can get it. and i don't mean for me, i mean for anyone. which is why i always prefer to stand in the corner and laugh and stare mondays..and.. tuesdays... and thursdays... and fridays... and saturdays... at everyone else. those who really want it. and me? fuck, i don't even know how it all got started in the first place. i think everything that's happened to me that hasn't been work related or school related or boy related (and even then, only a few), i've never really wanted. i've always said i have a hard time saying no. i think that's really the problem, is not knowing when to say no (or maybe not having self control, pick one). so i kind of just watch my body (dressed up, dressed down, out, sad or ecstatic) going through the motions. and i'm just along for the ride. very few people really get that. so i just laugh them off. everything's much funnier that way. and like i said, i'm never one for being serious.

that doesn't mean i don't get nostalgic for a certain point in my life. but i'm talking about romance (not about 'making it,' as the kids like to call it these days). i've realized that you can spend your whole life hoping to change other people or win their approval, or you can just change yourself and live your own life exactly how you'd want it to be, away from the eyes of everyone else.

for some absurd, nonsensical, almost incredulous reason, a reason that i wasn't even aware of at every time, i keep harping on moments that completely don't matter anymore because they're all just so trivial.

so it goes.