why can't i be what u need?
a new improved version of me?
but i'm nothing so good.
no i'm nothing
am i?
nothing?
replaceable.
in such short span o' time?
nothing even in the deepest of ur sins.
yesterdays- an unchanging written history; vulnerable in the eyes of my past lovers. its destiny, silmutaneously poured, hand in hand with the sands of time. whispering into their ears enchanting spells= ridding the forgotten - mE.
i break .. into this. bloodless.
only to evolve and surface from the oceans of troubles. gasp. i gasp for a breath of ur life only to be ignored. dunked back into the murky deep.
gasp. for the love flickering within me.
clawing for the bridge presiding over its troubled waters.
pulled myself on its banks now, drenched in its troubles. i watch the sun set and welcome a new night. immense darkness blankets me, our stars blind me. iloveyou.
i see the birth of a brand new day. the 4th day of the rest of my life.
deep in the fiction we live. of course i see you. i do.
low and behold!
the rebirth of me.
to realise it to late. i'm gone.
i see somebody taking my place.
now u see me. now u don't.
i break into this, over you.
V I S I O N S O F Y O U
T H E N
Y O U' R E
G O N E . . .
+ today. 310504 + i woke up really early today. but since i slept at near 5am last night (this morning?), i went back to sleep. hey! it's ONLY 2pm!! haha.. first time in a long while since i felt that a day is passing by me slowly. need that - the slow ticking of time. especially with the exams drawing nearer and nearer. need time. [life's-too-short] everyone's out now. i'm contemplating going out now that there's noone to go out with. i might just stay at home. marlie's lab report is due to be done by this weds. which is the day after tmr. i AIM to have it done by tonight. so, tomorrow, i'll go to uni and print out my notes for both psych testing and bio/dev to start studying. how issit, every semester, just before the exams, i find myself making promises to be well prepared =the next time= and when this =next time= comes, it's the same thing all over again?
he's started emailing me again. weird isnt it? when i suddenly disappear and realises he's lost me, he grapples for every mode of communication to get me back. foolish. so foolish i am. no. not anymore.
i've surprised myself lately. with my nonchalance. a flip of my hair and i forget. yesterdays are passed history. a past not within my powers to erase. not in anyone's powers.
he's found a new lover. did you know? why do i feel.. left behind? and betrayed? i think i'm being over-emotional. strange when i feel like i want everything. yet, at the end of it all, when i really sit in its quiet moments, i dont want anything. no not anymore. not for now at least. my baby awaits me. that tittle attached prior to "NURA" hamzah. doctor. i like the ring of it.
her ambitions. the finance already involved. the sweat and the love. the missing and the heartbreak. all part of an experience. the giving and losing - all part of living and loving.
am i incoherent again? better incoherent than pent up=
anywayz. no more procastination. i'm not depressed. in case anyone reading this interpret it as a plea for help. no. not a plea for help. just.... a girl putting her thoughts in words - incoherent or otherwise.
it's single hood baby! did you know this is the longest i've been single. warning: do not fall in love. it's a poisonous addiction.
f a c i a l
f e e d b a c k
h y p o t h e s i s
love? what is that?
why surrender urself to something that's almost surely to kill you a death thousands time worst than death itself? risk? love is all about risk? foolish. naive kinnie was smarter than this new improvised her. foolish - i spat. soo foolish.
kin =foolish= 260601130603 L O V E
kin =foolish[again]= 230703030204 how can it be so thoughtless, so cruel?
