SO.... i just woke up from a 2hrs sleep. SLEEP? what sleep? - t'was more of a nap! it's started - the whole staying up the whole night. surprisingly, my body seem well adjusted to this arrangement. heavy silence presides in this house as everyone still sleeps. smug - i feel strangely hrmm.. smug that i was the last to sleep and the first to wake up. hah!!~
This is the place where i sit.
This is the part where I love u too much
This is as hard as it gets.
coz i'm getting tired of pretending I'm tough
I'm here if you want me,
I'm yours u can hold me
I'm empty and tired
tumblin, then breakin'.
coz you dont see me.
And you, dont need me.
And you, dont love me.
The way i wish you would.
The way I know you could.
I dream a world where you understands.
I dream a million sleepless night.
I dream a fire when you're touchin' my hand
But it twist into smoke when i turn on the lights.
I'm speechless. I'm fadin'.
Its too complicated.
Is this how the book ends?
Nothing but good friends.
This is a place in my heart
This is the place where i'm falling apart
Isnt this where we met?
Is this the last chance that I'll ever get?
I wish i was wrong, instead of lonely
Crystal and see-through
And not enough for you.
a million times i call out your name. only to reach out, then. ur not there. no. not anymore. where did you disappear to? changed? who? time stood still while i played princess. saw ur sad eyes there. saw u standing in the dark corner of my heart. you cried when she died. dont be mistaken. i cried too. then, you hovered at my funeral before your departure. i open my eyes and tis not that you're gone. no. you're not gone - just not here. so close. ur so close to me - i see u. and yet so far. what have i done? death. my own death. i burn. then turn into ashes. blow wind! blow these ashes so i will cease to exist. blow wind... let me be as light as a feather and fly me to a place beyond this painful brightness where im forced to live by my sins. am i a kin to sorrow? will it be gone when it be morrow? no more fairies lil girl. no more meandering trails of glitterin fairy dust. descend into reality and run ...
enough linguistic exercise for now.
i am almost complete with the lab report. YESS...!! it actually all make sense. even the results. for once. that MARLIES-bitch better give me a good grade so i can go to 2nd sem. can u believe i'm a 3rd year uni student? it's so ... err.. weird! ok ok. imagine this. this lil kinnie in the big scary career world! my goodness! i'm gona be a "legal" career woman next year in. scareee or what!? never thought this day will come - when i'm actually face to face with 'real life' - ok. not so much now. but. well. u know what i mean!
4 yrs back, 3, 2, a year back - i'd be jumping for joy at the nearness of that date. throwing every completed (and marked of course) assignments and almost already packing my luggages to go back home- for good. it's different now. i guess i had every reason to be that way - having ahmad and our dreams then. family. i have my family back home and yes. i feel resoundingly blessed i have them. i owe them so much. i'm given this opportunity because they love me and have that much of faith in me. i carry their torch, shoulder the responsibilities of the lil ones' futures. yes. i'm afraid of that huge burden. but i'm accepting it whole heartedly now. doctor or not, i'm going back... watch out world! well.. err.. actually, juz singapore. hahaahaha...
