dear mr. bloggie*
+ 7:31PM - it's been a long day. perhaps its winter and hence my reminscing tendencies. it's hard to really be happy these days. the reason? i dont know. really. maybe i just realise things have changed. right before my very eyes. people change, things change and heck. i am so tired of change. i'm over saying the word. it's happening. yes bloggie, it's happening right before me and i've no powere vestiged within me to do anything - in other words - to sum up that long-run sentence, i'm helpless as things, situation and the people around me change. i know i know. it ain't that big of a deal. everyone goes through changes. and yes. if there is one person most changed, most abled to talk about change -from experience- it'll be yours.truly.me. see, thats the thing. i'm confused about mr. bloggie. im so conflicted about everything. sometimes, it just feels like im high up above and watching myself pick my options; pushed into circumstances made by options in the nature of forced, contrary to making choices at my own accord.
im probably just being the emo-kinnie i am. i'm far away from loved ones. i question my dreams. why oh why i have such huge dreams? am i so selfish? for my dreams. i sacrifice the happiness of loved ones. im conflicted.
the last moments of last night i spent talking to ling. our customary-best-friends talk. haha. yeah darl? this morning, we continued... talking! surfed the net then met up with the crew. everyone but lil jeanie and umar came. im sad. im always in great company. so why am i lonely still?
THE REASON - i miss my pa and his crooning of this song altho he uhh.. dont have a wee bit slightest of a clue what the lyrics are. and i miss the way ma cringes when he attempts the high notes and pretends she isnt in the car when she is right there, smack at the front passenger seat! i miss how kals' voice completely falters when he reaches the high notes and the way ika plays with my fingers in the car or when her head rests on my shoulders when she accidentally falls asleep. i miss the times i fall asleep on the living room sofa with the tv on and ma coming down to nag about us wasting electricity. yeah.... every lil reason they are what they are - i love and miss them for the very reason they're not perfect. for, it is their very imperfection that makes them perfect in my heart and i shall love them forever and ever....
