= ma's become a cockroach slayer!!! hwuahahauwhaha* one lil mite scampers off to seek refuge behind the large clay vase! WHAm Bam! too late. the slayer's crushed him. literally! the wafting scent from durian lures me to it like nothing ever has! ha. im such a bull-shitter. not literally. but yeah. u know what i mean. nothing to update. just been thinking alot - nothing new :::marriage::: its a scary thought. not in itself. but current perception towards it. once upon a time ago, i saw it, a symbol to sanctify the eternal bliss that goes hand in hand with love. yes. love. the one and only love. yet, now, i see it as something i HAVE TO GO THROUGH. time and again, i convince myself its not my time. YET. its juz scaring me. what not? with ma's constant preaching. sigh* what am i to do? its not like they'll force me or accept any guys' minang proposal w/o my consent. just ... my situation is ridiculously hopeless. perhaps, tis' why i am such. suddenly i feel like im left on the shelf to hate love and love love at the same time. am i such complexities to endure such contradictions? shucks* i only pray i'll get through whatever this phase im going thru and ... luff at myself next week! =)

:: gona eat durians now. yumz*