just when i needed you most
n' so im in uni. 5hrs till the first class of the day; my most 'interesting' elective tis sem: abnormal psych. its tt bad. beside the other 3, tis subject is about the nearest i get to *fun*. ive been going to slp late to study. i study! weee* nawhz. i have to. i keep thinking, one day, when im all tired fm working over-time and 'adult' shit like tt, i'll look bk and wish i'd taken a moment and devote my "studying-phase" to actual studying; instead of relying on luck in exams. tt's how it was w' sec sch; when ma said it'll be 'the best yrs of my life', i refused to believe it. UNTIL t'was over and im living tis life now. ive been lucky. shld count my lucky stars instead of whinning. but hey... then this blog will be naked.
my life is at its most stagnant. to top it off, e' net connection at home has been dc coz abg paid e' bill a day late. ONE friggin' DAY late and the only *happening* thing in my life is taken away fm me. crap-shits. and just when i was gona actually use it for sch; as it shld [not so much e' bloggin/ soc-emailing/ chatting activities i get distracted w']. printing out readings' costing too much. announcement: monash is an al-cheapo uni. we pay so much fees but where do the money go? not to our printing obviously! bleurgh*i have no life. too conflicted; im speechless.
life's a bitch but im living it as it comes... not like i have a variance of choices to choose fm anyways. pardon me n' my incessant whinning yes? im a complain fest these days. crappy. moody. volatile. easily frus. bitchy. agitated. impatient. just NOT ME*. nono. not pms. i sh-wear. juz tired of monotony. tired of being the first to talk n' pretend nothing's amiss. tired of e' unpredictable weather. tired of changes and making do. tired of "always be here for u" shit. tired of pretending like i care. tired of psycho-ing myself all is alright. see...here's the tricky bit. everything IS alright. life is evolving as it shld. the world's spinning still. each day brings me closer to ...life, a day closer to assignment date dues. a day closer to being 20. a day closer to the much anticipated [n' needed!] term break. a day closer to exams. a day closer to going bk and starting a brand new life. i need tt now. a new life. "urhm.. excuse me mister, can i trade lives with u?" hoho. i wish. the biggest problem in my life currently is ME. me me me me me me me n' ok. abit on sappy i-hate-u songs. but generally, just me as i am. fabricating non-existing intricacies tts never/ not/ never will be there. n' then whinning like an old granny.
im barely 20 n' am already sick of life. no. i am not suicidal. im tired. i have enough [if not too much] slp. i eat plenty. i drink enuf water. i shldnt be tired. but i am. i miss her. i miss me. can i giggle w/o a shred of pretentious-ness? i'd say halo n' ask how u been; n' mean it? can i smile n' be sincere? its just me. i need ... f u n.
ok. tt's it. off to gettin another coffee. i finish @ 8 tonight. joy to e' world. oh. im so full of rage. HAHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAA. ok. stop luffin.
