- i love you, but please die .

hold my hand. lets be sad together. seriously. tis' a simple concept that has been sorely misunderstood. i was utterly seduced by the probable possiblities last night. said my night prayers n' as i lay on my side in the dark, clutching mr.bear in my arms, i was kissed by the nightmare of failures n' caressed by my imminent apocalypse. so. i seeked solace in my mp3 n' blasted e' barbaric croons [???] of lil jon n' the ying yang twins. i know - not exactly bedtime lulls. still. i ended up sleepin only at 3-ish. awaken by the alarm i'd set earlier for 3:20am. switched my blardy hp off n' told me self: '5 more mins'. woke up with a start n' it was 4:05am. shitcraps. already imsak. in the back of my mind, was the dread of yet another coffee-less day. issit a sin to say i hate puasa? ok. i take it back. =/

i wish i cld sleep forever. dee called at 6am n' ordered i get up n' shower. in my agitated form, i accidentally turned on the cold tap n' a subsequent thousand barricades of knives stabbed me. tt woke me up. meant to meet pc at 10am at the sta lounge to get the spss outputs. misplaced my folder a few wks ago in the library n' only realised i'd left the outputs in em. pc was a gempal to lend me his copies to photocopy; and then told me what to take note off in the outputs. cant say i was fully prepared for the exam but my knowledge; or the lack of, was def substantiated.

excuse me sir, can i call you sweetheart? bumped into melanie at the sta as i was making my way to the racecourse. she was submitting an assignment. i was half dead then, fm my decaf state. hungry n' ridiculously sleepy. didnt see anyone i know when i reached the exam venue. which suited me well; i hate discussing the exam before n' after the ordeal. sets me off the tangent i reckon. so. G798 was expediently located right next to his-royal-highness; mr. hot stuff himself. i dont normally go for the typical aussie blonde surf dudes. but he's hot. so.. what can i say? every 5mins, i break out of my very short concentration span n' steal a glance to my right. yumm-ey. =) hehe. met angela, melissa, celia, alice, kate - arh. the rda-gp of friends. did i mention how much of a fraud i feel??

the loss [joys] of fellow singles. i finished somewhat surprisingly early n' hastily packed all my notes n' bks into my shapeless fcuk bag [which desperately needs washing btw]. bumped into lynn n' we discussed singapore idol n' how much a loserfied fest it has turned out to be - or so we heard. reached home n' remembered to open the letter box. ma's letter was in it. hurrah. first personal letter for a long time. [such is life for a non-bgr individual like moi]. ma set out the guilt trip: "we-miss-having-u-arnd. think-of-the-family-together-again.im-not-against-ur-application-for-pr-still-be-able-to-visit-australia-one-day-with-ur-somebody". fyi - i have no somebody ma! [oh. n' why do ppl assume i have a love interest?! everytime i meet someone online or in person, they ask me the same qns: "so.. who's the dude?".. like haloo.. i have a life? n' is it too complex a notion to grasp? - tt i actually enjoy being single? esp lately. if i had a bf now, i'd be dumped for being ignorant anyways. im always in front of the comp doing lab reports, [or bloggin], OR, im studying. i havent been to the city for eons n' i have just about drowned on the "social-radar" screen. =/ such is my life.

white flag perched high. anyways. back to ma-the-pr-issue-leaving-aussie-blablabla* ..ive given up on the pr idea anyways. i really dont wanna fight for something i know ma n' pa arent too happy about. firstly its not worth it. secondly i just cant be stuffed. n' thirdly compliance is about the only way to re-pay em for making my study-abrod dreams a reality. i do get sore about it. feels sometimes tt i was let free at an early age of 16; teased of freedom and at 20, have it taken away again. i seriously think, unless i marry really early, i wont be able to see the world anytime soon. n' knowing tt scares me ahellot.

at my worst. my best is you. aussie idol eviction. chanel got evicted. i cannot believe haley's still in the competition; as opposed to ricky-lee. yes. ive gone on n' on about ricky-lee's uncalled departure. but haley!!?? oh. c'mon australia!!!! hillary duff came on the show. her american accent was distinct next to andrew G n' james' aussie ones. oh. diyar enlisting into ns tmr. poor dear. hope he survives. n' i shall end it here. next paper's on wednesday. n' i have 9 topics to cover still. .. gdnights.. love. me.