dont waste your time on me

you're already the voice inside my head.

these words arent mine - multiple regression. alpha level. beta. adjusted R-squared. anova. two-way. one-way. wt*?! n' they gyrate around in my notes, like a puzzle. i try to match the little cuts to fit each other but i can't and i get trapped. pointless. absolutely ridiculously pointless. i see colours. subdividers i bought earlier in the morning -marked 'useful' pgs.

in an extension of my previous entry, i would just like to say: SCREW THIS! ive been ambling thru home bodies endlessly revising. heads bent low over books with uncomprehensible typations. once upopn 2hrs ago, i was one of em n' now im the deviant with the white flag raised way above this vertically-challenged self. i want to scream. n' run. give up. go home. n' seek refuge in sleep; which i so badly need. but im too exhausted. i wish i wore black instead of white. perhaps, then the glare wouldnt be so blinding. i wish i was someone but me today. even if she's unintelligent, im sure her self esteem'll make up for it n' she'd [as me] walk into the exam hall 10 ft tall. sigh*

ma emailed me. pa's new car rox. no doubt. ma requested pa get perfume fm duty free n' "hanuta" chocolates in belgium. pa tot "say what?! HANTU-choc!!?" [traslation: GHOST-choc?!]. so. he bought perfumes AT BELGIUM and chocolates AT DUTY FREE?? terbalik oh-papa-sayang-oi! =/ regardless. ma; the family thinker bought off aunty sapura two boxes of choccies fm belgium [hubby's a flight steward]. hope the two bratties wont wallop them all up! ..

im an hour away to flushing down 50mcq worth. im psycho-ing myself.

1) this is only paper 1. failing this dont matter. just GOTTA ace paper 2 on the 4th

2) its mcq. what are the odds?

3) --- ermm. cant' think of a 3rd one.

this sick strange darkness

comes creeping on so haunting every time


help me. for i am trapped between this world n' e' next. silence defeans this campus n' im a walking 'dead'? cldnt sleep last night; i was caught in my own bedlam. psychologically tormented of the endless possibilities of what i feel is my impending failure. i desperately need reassurance. i am considering quite seriously to seek therapy. my self esteem is dangerously low; or perhaps non-existent at all. tell me. how did i get here?

date: 25 10 04

exam paper: Research Methods [paper 1]
duration: 2 hours.
time commenced: 2:30pm
seat number: G798
exam venue: Caulfield Racecourse grnd level.

help?