subject: free.
time: 11:27pm
music: still in love song - the stills.
mood: liberated

this may sound completely ridiculous but i want to be a wreck for you. smash out my honor on your floor. fill up bathtubs with my moodswings. i am your emotional wreck. ok. this may sound a little frightening but i want to swallow all of your skin, chew your soft tissue into ash, beat your ego black and blue. i also want to tear you down with the twist i bring. but i will be your doll, i will abrade your soul. i will be your doll, i will be your toll at the gates of hell. that is what I'm for. i will be your end, then on to the next i shall start again. i will be your doll, i will be your girl. i will remove your heart, i will burn your world. i will be your never-ending.

sometimes, life's fallacies gets to the point of laughable[-ness?; it gets too funny] and the people i know feels to be more of comedians in a play i watched so long ago. memories like these are easy to wash in the dark room and develop as negatives for another time when we forget. i know i will. but until then, there are newer things to do, newer skins to graze and more ants to crush below my fat eager thumb when the poor creatures catch my eyes while crawling across the desk.

too many. too much. too much to feel, too many options. too much to think; i don't know where to start from. i wish to subpoened from life and migrate to better realms. time has become a vulture, circling the clouds and swooping down in one clean flight to grab me by the collar and fly me away. so i promised myself, "tomorrow, i will start to become more optimistic." i will begin by rewarding myself with a double shot expresso. smile and say hi to everyone whose lies whizzes past and convince myself that "this too will pass", and everything will be but fleeting things; with every downfall comes a great uprising and here i am, made out of dust like how i was to begin with. it's time to stop trying to make sense and logic out of everything. it's time to stop my obsession with living life out of concepts and feeling so comfortable with logic that reality grabs me.

truth is, all these random portions of my life have indeed fallen apart and i should never bothered to mend them in the first place. whatever i feel, whatever doubts i have, i will say, "this too shall pass," and i guess life is really okay as long as faith and principles stay.